My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
