So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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