under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
