Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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