So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize