Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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