ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
