I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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