So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
