just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
