just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
