No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
