She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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