Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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