i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
