Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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