now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
