Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
