pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
