hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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