just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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