I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
