You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
