Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
