I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
