Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
