Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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