Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
