We're facebook friends in real life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
