you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
