Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
