I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nicole vs. Life
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
