my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ttyl tear gas
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
