I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
