I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
