I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
