idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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