I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
