please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
