so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Non-Jews are for practice
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
