Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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