it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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