Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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