remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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