i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
