so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
