I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
how drunk are you?
Several
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
