There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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