I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
