just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
