dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
