it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
